Anyway… while muscle gays are busy fucking each other there’s gay youth out there developing body dysmorphia trying to figure out ways to fit into their gay community which they think is only possible if they look like some Sean Cody faggot
Y’all need to stop saying shady shit for likes. It’s not productive. It’s boring and uninteresting and it’s deflating to see what could be a real commentary on internalized homophobia miss it’s own point in the process. Yes it is still internalized homophobia if it’s not self loathing- self hatred for the gay community at large is still toxic on an individual level.
Gay youths are entering adulthood seeing potential role models yell over one another about who is the most valid gay and it’s so fucking exhausting.
Meanwhile our straights oppressors are watching you giving language and creedence to continue to cherry pick which gays are deserving of dignity.
Stop projecting your traumas and start giving voice and elevating the victims.
I think this argument is better served by framing it in the context of who has power in the situation. Muscular, white gay men have the most privilege within the gay male community and I think this person is trying to call out the fact that more often than not they’re not doing anything about it. White, Muscular gay men are the most represented and catered to, especially when you think about the intersection of queerness and fatphobia in the general population. A lot of us who aren’t fit and feel alienated don’t have the ability to change the culture in which muscles and fit bodies are praised and catered to, while fat bodies are almost always demonized. Fit/Muscular gay men ty and squeeze themselves into every corner of the gay community, even those that are designed to uplift those of us who don’t fit the norm. I think it should absolutely be recognized that fit/muscular gay men could do more to end the culture in which the size of someone’s body dictates their worth within the gay community.
I agree 100% with this breakdown. Fit/muscle gays enjoy being most aligned with was society allows as gay, usually because their lives are straight passing or consumable in media. Framing it as the argument that they have a responsibility to the broader community is 1 million times valid and should be said. If that was OPs intention I missed it because all I read was cynicism- my own nearsightedness.
yeah I was kind of reading between the lines, as i’ve absolutely felt like this before. I wish the queer community could just be one cohesive unit, but I think there are other societal factors and barriers that prevent that from being the case which is unfortunate.
@peacefulpowerbottom reading your response definitely gave me the impression of a thought you’ve fully articulated before - I appreciate it and honestly, it patiently redirected me as well towards the conversation I want to be having.
The fact is, it’s too altruistic to think of one queer community and it makes me sad. Kids will meet that one gay man when they first start going out and engaging other queer people- who in his efforts to separate himself from undesirable gay qualities- will inflict as much abuse and violence on that kid as a straight homophone might.
It makes me feel powerless.
anyway OP made a good post and it’s 100% true
Deadass growing up fat and queer was a fucking nightmare. Not only was I alienated in the LGBT community for being bisexual, but also being severely overweight. I grew up hating myself, began starving myself at 14, and eventually became suicidally depressed. Not only did I NOT lose weight I gained more, soon then i began getting fetishied for being underaged and overweight, and I clung to that shit because it was the only attention I would receive. I hid every part of me until I turned 19, i would wear two/three layers just be feel comfortable outside:
I grew up hating myself so much that I still have trouble realizing my worth, and that I am loveable that i can be wanted for other than “my fat ass”. Now that I’m 19, about to turn 20 im getting attention because I started losing weight:
When I damn well know half of the fuckers that are talking to me now wouldn’t have remotely looked my way a year ago. That’s the effect massively muscled, and photoshopped men have on our community, and our community’s youth. Anyone deemed to fat or unattractive by our own unrealistic standards is subject to fetishization and abandonment
The fact that the queer community is so proficient at turning physical appearance into a commodity is really the issue. The “communities” that just help to compartmentalize and take away individuality are the biggest contributors.
We’ve been classified by body type, (partly through hookup culture, but not because of) and we use it to validate our worth as a gay man. We’re subjugated into these physical categories, and for what????
1. Become aware of how and when you tearing yourself down.
2. Now that you can catch yourself doing it. Offer counters to the negative self talk. A really useful thing I read was to talk to yourself almost the way you would child. Gentle and patient. Even when they fuck up.
3. Take time to celebrate your small accomplishments. You’ve been attacking yourself for every little mistake. Apply that same fervor to the positive things in your life. Did the dishes even though you didn’t want to? Fuck yeah! Got up and took shower? YES!!! You are taking positive steps to feeling better. Celebrate it.
4. Make lists of things you’re good at/ like about yourself. The first time I did this the only two things in my list we’re that I liked my hair and I had good friends. It was start.
5. Don’t beat yourself up if you screw up steps 1-4. It’s counter productive. When I catch myself calling my self stupid for some mistake or other my response now is,“We don’t talk to ourselves like that anymore. What’s something constructive that could actually help solve the problem.”
Most of the time that seems to work. Not always. But more and more Everytime.
Determination arises when we can see that life has nothing else to offer, except for our own spiritual growth and final emancipation. We need not change our lifestyle but our approach, our reactions, and our understanding of what is happening around and within ourselves.
Ayya Khema, Being Nobody, Going Nowhere: Meditations on the Buddhist Path
